I m BLESSED

Oh yea, tomorrow's the 6th.. be leaving then..

ALways thought the mind is strong enough.. aparently not quite so.

So many asked if I'm excited for this trip.. Err.. actually.. not at all..

Had a small christmas dinner just yesterday, it was happy, but at this moment it is sad or prolly touched..

Grandmama doesn't look too good, age is catching up, so is her asthma too. Everytime I think of her.. I cry.. she wanted to send me off but car's packed, I rather she stay home and rest then me trying to fight of my tears at the airport. Cousins not doing good either. Mama doesn't really care but it's gona be one hell of an isolated month for her. Mouse, she doesn't know what's happening. Uncle Papa as usual sounded and reacted more enthusiastic than everyone else. He had been wanting to pass me some survivial money since weeks ago. Uncle Simei called up, he's the joker, the loud mouth, the cool generous man who doesn't give a hoot about his life. He wanted to make sure everything's done before the departure. Dad's been bugging me for details, since I hardly talk to him, I know he wants to help, but he probably needs more help. Chocolate bro offered some advice, levi's jeans size 30, no american accent.

My friends, all of you know who you are. I've got your 'warm' gifts and your 'playful' ones. God damn appreciate all these help that I'm getting, from packing, to surviving, to listening to my pre-travel conflict planning and most brilliantly offering a ride to the airport. Those who wana see me off at the airport, I'm just sorry about the early flight.

Somehow, I wonder if this is the process of reluctance to grow up. I hate to see people I love age. I hate to feel the overwhelming spirit of sharing. It feels wonderful, but I'm uncertain of my abilities to give as much. I feel guilty. Knowing now I should be independent and create my own miracles, I'm just horribly emotional and grateful to all these people who are almost always there.

Yucks, I said before and I'm saying again, I hate this season, it's too much for me to handle.. that it's making me cry. Haha! I admit, I'm a December cry baby!